A Letter To Myself

Please stop saying "I'm still trying to figure myself out" as if you're the only person not to have yet done this. The world is full of complexities and you are no different. Self-discovery is a unique and highly sought after aspect of humanity. It brings an understanding of oneself and your potential but also allows you to maintain deeper relationships with those around you.

I know you'll get frustrated when it seems like others just seem to know who they are without question but you'll get there. This chameleon-like persona you've found yourself portraying doesn't fill you with much hope but you're 22 years old for crying out loud. If media portrayal was anything to go by you should be drinking every night until you need to be carried home or spending your money on overpriced dresses you'll only wear the one time. Do you think other people your age have everything together and have an accurate sense of self? Maybe... But that will only change in the coming years- as will yours.

A lot of people talk about longing for travel and for adventure but you possess a great *edit- overwhelming* desire to explore your own internal intricacies and I don't believe this to be a completely bootless errand. You're just scared of becoming a prisoner to societal expectations or morphing into a crude imitation of those you idolise. Both of which are completely valid fears but bogging yourself down with these concerns will only hinder your progress and undermine all your efforts to date. Think of this journey as a process of elimination. As long as you're continuing to experiment and to test yourself, day by day, you're figuring out who you are not and that's just going to have to do for now.

There is no end game to self-discovery after all. Once you've analysed the experiences that have formed you to this date, simultaneously the world is throwing new and quite possibly greater ones at you which you're then later going to have to process and pick apart. Sounds exhausting. But the result of doing so will offer much-needed clarity. Stop thinking of this journey as a path taken only by 50-something's pursuing a career as a life guru and more like the inevitable quest for a valuable commodity: | individuality |


The Future of Pied By Piper

The act of sitting at a desk with the intent to write is slightly daunting, I won't lie to you. There have been many occasions in which I've wandered over to this space and almost immediately walked away again. What is it about the pressure of writing which scares people away so much? I guess when you're passionate about something you want to do everything in your power to 1) do it justice and 2) encourage others to feel that same passion and excitement. The truth is that I've felt unable to do this recently and that's down to my own indecisiveness on what I want this space to become.

What happened to you?

Finding the time and energy to work on something you know you can't publish until absolutely perfected, is tough work. Somewhere along the way I somehow forgot this. I piled on a full-time charity position and started to climb the ladder. This in someway took my focus away from what I really love to do and that's ramble away on here to an audience full of like-minded, oversensitive, introverts who just want to giggle whilst watching me try to make my way through life- and ultimately fail. But in the best kind of ways. I want to get this back. I need to get this back.

So what's new?

Actually... quite a lot. I finally took the step to move away from Leeds and so I am now living in a beautiful cottage in a small town in West Midlands with my partner, Ali. It feels so surreal to be writing that because I am so, so happy here. Even before having made any real connections here, besides my hairdresser (who is an absolute babe), I already feel like I'm starting a life and not just stagnating. I also turn 23 this year. That means I have been writing here for coming up to 7 years now. WOW.

What's in the pipeline?

No fancy website rebranding, no major content change. I actually just want to add a little more freedom. I want to write about funny experiences, thoughts and anything I think about at 3am and want to fill you in on. Expect more frequent posts about all the random, crazy stuff I get up to here in Newport. I'm going to be more active on my social media platforms so be sure to follow me @pipeshill on Twitter and Instagram.

I look forward to seeing you around here more often!

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