SEX WORK HELPED ME LOVE MY BODY AGAIN

Thursday, April 16, 2020

TW: Recovery from rape, body image etc

"The more time I spent on the app, the more I was starting to see my body in a different light. It was something to celebrate. It was mine and I decided what I wanted to do with it."

It's no secret that I'm an avid watcher of porn. It's taught me more about my body and how it works than any half-arsed, heteronormative sex ed class ever did. And in a world where kids are failed by their education on sex every day, more and more people are turning to porn for this very reason also. Sex is an important and completely normal aspect of our lives and allowing myself to be more opening about the subject has allowed me to improve my sex life and my relationship with my partner tenfold. It's also given me the confidence to explore my sexuality without fear of judgement and allow me to have conversations with friends who identify as asexual, friends who have kinks they're ashamed of (and of course shouldn't be) etc.

As a survivor of rape and domestic abuse, there was a long time in my life that I didn't want anyone to touch me, including myself. Even after I got out of this way of thinking I was still trapped in the misinformed knowledge that I was there for someone else to enjoy. A good time for the other person is where I should get my pleasure and sex was all merely transactional. It took a lot of experimenting, a lot of difficult conversations with multiple partners but I got there. I never thought I would ever even enjoy sex and the idea that in years to come I'd be making my own content, trying new things every day and loving my body in the process. Well, that would have just been unfathomable for me back then. But here we are.

It all started on Twitter of all places. I'd just bought some new lingerie and thought I'd get involved with the other content creators I was subscribed to. I took a couple of pictures and they BLEW. UP. I couldn't believe the inclusivity of the NSFW Twitter platform. It's like nothing I've ever seen. Bodies of all sizes, shapes and colours, vaginas of all varieties, a huge trans community. All celebrating each other's bodies whilst being in control of every aspect of their business; the filming, the work hours, how they are presented, what scenes they do and at the end of all that, they were taking home every penny they'd made that day. I was hooked.

I started taking more and more pictures, recording more content and making connections with other SW's who, it's worth mentioning, have played a huge role in the confidence I have today. The more time I spent on the app, the more I was starting to see my body in a different light. It was something to celebrate. It was mine and I decided what I wanted to do with it. Being proud of the pictures I took; looking at my body and smiling. It was a new feeling but one I'd soon get used to. My confidence, my self-esteem and not to mention my yearly ££ were all on the increase, all thanks to something only a few years before I couldn't even stand to look at for more than 5 minutes.

I knew I had to pay more respect to my body than I had been. It's been through a lot and, you know what? My body deserves more love than I'd been giving it and allowing other people to give it. Realising all of this just from selling nudes, huh? Who'd have thought it?

We could all do with being a little kinder to our bodies. It took me a long time before I realised I was continuing the abuse that someone else started but here I am, baring it all for my blog with a smile on my face.

Ps. I'm not suggesting you all start signing up for an Only Fans account but maybe try and take more pictures of yourself in your underwear. Even if you're the only one who sees them. You deserve to feel sexy god damn it!

Share your opinion:

  1. I love this!! Such a fascinating post and a great way to feel comfortable in your own skin! You go girl!

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    1. Thank you so much. I'm glad you liked it!

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  2. I love this. It's such a positive story. I would like to think sex work would help me come out of myself as well, but I genuinely can't seem to get over my own body image issues.

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    1. It's definitely not a quick fix by any stretch. These things take a lot of work and I guess we all have our own issues with our bodies. I hope sometime you're able to tackle the issues you have, you deserve it :)

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  3. Such a positive post even if it has stemmed from a bad place. Good for you girl x

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    1. Thanks Chloe, I'm glad you enjoyed reading!

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  4. I love this! This is amazing. I'm so glad you've been able to improve your relationship with your body. We all deserve to feel amazing because we are! Sending love your way!

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  5. So much positivity! I think feeling empowered in our own bodies is so important x

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  6. So interesting and so positive!

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    1. Thanks for reading, I'm glad you enjoyed it!

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  7. Love your courage and bravery. You go girl!

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  8. This is so honest and beautiful, thank you for sharing <3 x

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    1. Thank you so much. I'm glad you enjoyed reading :)

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